Is "mysticality" a word? I think it is but I'm not sure. Oh well, I know what I mean to say and that's all that matters.

Anyway, Zer came back from Washington last night. I got a call from her sometime during sushi, so as I was leaving I called her back and she knew exactly what's been going on with me lately without me having to say a word. It was really bizarre, but in a way, I'm not surprised... it's like the time she and Chung got engaged in Thailand and as soon as I got back to Kagoshima and heard her voice on the phone I just knew. It's so weird.

On top of that, Zer read my palm for me a long time ago and she told me to pay attention to my hand because the lines on our hands change all the time. Well of course I can look at my palms now and see lines that weren't there when I was younger, but for the first time I noticed a really drastic change early this week. I just happened to glance down at my right palm and there's this huge, deep line right down the middle of it that I swear was not there before. Well, no, that's not exactly true... part of it was there before, but it's gotten bigger and now it cuts through the two major horizontal lines on that palm. Plus it has another small line cutting through it at the base of my hand. It's just really interesting to look at.

And lately I haven't even been checking the new e-mail address I made in order to contact those universities and places about studying Japanese. It's really funny, but I just stopped worrying about it. I think I just want to have a good time for my last few months here and just figure things out when I get home. The more I think about it, the more disinterested I am in going back to school at the moment. I don't know what the hell I want to do really, but why should I be all panicked about deciding? Panicking hasn't helped me figure out anything so far. Neither has moping around or brooding. So I figure I've spent long enough on those things. I'm going to keep studying Japanese on my own, and get in touch with the groups that Nara-sensei and some other people have told me about, and go from there. In the meantime, I'll keep looking around for a job I can do. And as long as I don't have anyplace I have to be, I might as well travel! I have over 50,000 air miles on Continental alone, and something like 8,000 on another airline. I can think of plenty of people I'd love to go out and visit...

I've really been feeling so good all week. I can't believe how long it's been since I didn't feel stressed out or depressed or pressured or panicky... it's nice to just feel vaguely normal again. And that's due to a lot of things: friends, people I've met, stuff I've been reading, stuff I've been studying... There's only one thing I really want to do that I haven't done yet, and that's because I'm waiting. This thing is really important to me, and I don't want to screw it up anymore than I may already have.